Okay, so this is not the usual “let’s be dorky” post. However, if you want to continue to explore your inner dork and have fun in life, it’s important to know how to get through those days when either you or your significant other are having a bad day. Otherwise life can turn into a miserable mess and you won’t even have a chance to think about having fun.
Let’s be clear here. I’m a guy, so I’ll be addressing this to other guys with a female partner. If you’re a woman or a gay man, maybe try replacing the pronouns to suit your particular circumstances. Or not. Your choice. I won’t be offended if you look elsewhere for advice.
When You’re Grouchy
The first thing you want to do when you realize you’re in this frame of mind is take stock and try to figure out why you’re in this mood. Is there something specific that’s bothering you? Are you just run down, or generally in a funky mood? If there’s something you know is bothering you and you can do something about it, then great. You know what the problem is – deal with it!
What Do You Need?
So let’s assume you’re just in a funk and need some time to work through it. Think about what you really need right now. Do you want some alone time to get yourself together? Do you want the woman in your life to provide some emotional support? Figure out what you need right now and communicate that to your partner so she knows how to treat you. That way you can get what you need without anyone having to guess and possibly make choices that might make matters worse. Nothing is worse that having someone constantly asking “what’s the matter?” when all you want is to be left alone.
Keep It to Yourself
Okay, that heading may be a bit misleading. If you’re having a problem that you should be sharing with your main-squeeze, then by all means share! But if this just a general “I’m in a crappy mood” thing, then yes, just keep it to yourself. Resist the urge to lash out at those around you if you’re irritable. Find yourself a nice quiet place where nothing will bug you and just get over it. The last thing you need is to have to make up for hurt feelings because you acted like an asshole while you were in a bad mood.
Remember, It’s Temporary
Whatever you’re going through, remember it’s not going to last (unless it is, in which case you can pretty much ignore this post). Most of the time it’s something (either emotional or physical) that is temporarily wreaking havoc with your emotions. Understand that and do what you need to get through it and move on. Now is not the time to make major life decisions.
Come Back From the Dark Side
When you’ve finally made past your bad mood, then it’s time to rejoin the living. If you got through it alone (please leave me alone!), then go back to your partner and let her know that you’re over it and how much you appreciate her letting you work through it alone. If she helped you through it (please hold me!), then thank her for helping you through this rough time. Show some appreciation with flowers or some other appropriate display of affection.
When She’s Grouchy
You are now entering a minefield – beware! Sorry ladies, but you are emotional creatures and not always willing to share with us mere mortals the inner workings of your moods. This section is based on my personal experiences. Your mileage may vary. Good luck!
Ask What’s Wrong
First, try the obvious. Ask her what’s bothering her. If you’re lucky (and have a wonderful woman like I have) you may get a straight answer. If you’re not so lucky, it may require some interpretation or guesswork. Could be that she just had a bad day. Or maybe it’s PMS. Or maybe something else entirely.
If it turns out to be something that you did (or didn’t do), then now is the time to make amends. If you screwed up, make it right! If you disagree with me on this point, then you’re obviously reading the wrong blog. Go try I’m-A-Cool-Dude-Who’s-Got-Game.com. You’re going to die a lonely old man. Buh Bye. For those still here, don’t let your mistakes cause lingering issues. Treat your woman like the princess she is and you will be rewarded many times over!
Ask How You Can Help
Assuming you’re not the problem, ask your lady how you can help. If she wants to be left alone (and you know her well enough to know that she actually means that), then give her space. Respect that she can deal with it on her own.
If she wants to talk about it, then do your part – listen! Don’t try to offer suggestions or try to fix things (unless she asks for that). Unlike us guys, who like to find instant solutions, women (for the most part) like to talk about their problems, and often feel better just having a chance to vent about what’s bothering them. If she just wants to talk about what’s bothering her, then let her. You don’t always have to rush to the rescue.
If, however, something is bothering her that she wants your help with, by all means jump in and offer to fix it! Be her knight in shining armor and take care of the situation. Just know that those cases are pretty rare. Work on those listening skills.
Remember, It’s Not You (Unless It Is!)
Keep in mind that most of the time she’s upset about things unrelated to you. If that’s not the case then you have deeper issues. Good luck with that! But most of the time the problem will be about other things, like work, or friends, or some other thing. Don’t take her bad mood personally (unless you know you’re the problem. Then take it very personally!).
Remember To Love Each Other!
Regardless of who is having a bad day, be sure to make an effort to reconnect once the mood has passed. Let her know that you want to be with her, even when she’s unhappy. (You do, don’t you?). When you’re happy with the one you love it makes the rest of life that much sweeter, and makes it much easier to explore your inner dork!
